Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
