I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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