I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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