So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
