Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
