I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
People in love make me want to vomit
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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