the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
