I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
