she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
