You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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