census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
