Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
