you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
