she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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