we have pet lesbian snakes
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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