so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
A bitchslap is in order.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
