My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
