Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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