well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
