I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
