You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
