We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
