Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
