I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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