last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
