I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
