The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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