dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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