the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
