Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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