I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
