Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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