im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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