trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
