I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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