she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
