i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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