He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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