Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
