Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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