i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
worst night to have a conscience
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
