I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
