I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
