Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Less talking, more tequila
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
