As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
