maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
