OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
