whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
