Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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