I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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