Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
