i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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