Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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