I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
