Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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