Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
