i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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