Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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